I don't know why I'm acting this way. Maybe it's because a former flame who wrecked his previous relationship with another girl has suddenly started calling him up. I answered the phone the first time but from what I hear, rejection bounces off her pretty much the same way water slides off a duck's back. He assures me that there is no chance of a reunion and I am sure he loves me but does he love me enough to resist temptation especially when an opportunity hurls itself at him? When your relationship is put to the test, can you hope that he remembers how much you love him? Can you only hope that he loves you enough to not make you go through the pain of a betrayal?

It's only human nature to want more. And I know some of you will say that this could turn out to be good because our relationship could emerge stronger. And you would have a point. But I'm scared. I'm not scared of being alone; I'm scared of the pain that will haunt me if ever we should separate. I remember the heartbreak, the confusion and the tears when browneyedboy and I broke up. It took me 9 months to recover and start dating. But the scar's still there.

And you know what's even scarier? I don't think I loved him as much as I do Alfie. I've always had the upper hand, I never grovelled and browneyedboy was always aware that I wasn't afraid to leave. This is the first time I've thrown myself completely into a relationship, where his feelings are prioritized before mine, where I let feelings consume and direct me.

I just know that if things go bad, I'd be hit really hard this time. My sister says she once loved Riz the way I love Alfie and she says it'd be really hard to ever love anyone the same way again.

Oh yes, maybe I'd get over it. In a few months, a year, maybe even a few years. I'd even start to move on and start dating. But then what? Do the whole dating thing, settle down and then split up again?

But no, don't worry. Our relationship isn't in trouble and I can only hope that it remains this way. Alfie doesn't even know I'm feeling this way because he'd just dismiss it as me being overly-sensitive and emotional.

I'm just worried because she's a relationship-wrecker and I doubt she takes me seriously because of my age. You know what's even more fucked up? She just got married. I'm so scared, she's been around a much longer time than I have and I'm still a girl whereas she's a woman.

It's just not fair. Somebody make me stop crying. Somebody tell me it'll be okay.